she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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