Don't make out with my wife yet
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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