1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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