i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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