Buhtt sex?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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