Sponge bath it is.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize