i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
