drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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