You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
