He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize