No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
