I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
