God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
