Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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