I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
