He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
