thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
