i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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