I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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