The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
