I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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