All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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