So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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