Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
