The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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