he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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