K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
