Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
