theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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