Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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