It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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