the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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