ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
