I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
