how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
