im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
