I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
