I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
