dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
