I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
