it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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