I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
