Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
