Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
