thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
