It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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