So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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