Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize