I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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