Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
