i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
