I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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