Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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