her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
