Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
