can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
