I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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