dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
