I seem to have left my pride at pride
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize