Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
