i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize