Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
