I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
