an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
