I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
