my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
