Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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