There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ttyl tear gas
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
