$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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