Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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