It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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